We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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