i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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