I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
