i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
