Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
