That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
