The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
