your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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