Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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