Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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