My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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