She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My ass is underappreciated
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
