3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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