I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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