I wish I could punch you in the face.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
