Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
