I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
