It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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