i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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