A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
