Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
