They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
