im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
