im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
