That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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