what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
