The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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