ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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