just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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