last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
worst night to have a conscience
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
