he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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