oh god the rape fog is back!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
