We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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