oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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