They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
