I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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