i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
