i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
