is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She bit a glass in half.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
