is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
