Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
