i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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