It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
