We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
