I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
