The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
