I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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