You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We had to coat check the pizza.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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