Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
