In the future we'll all be gay
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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