I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
