thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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