What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
